Der Ente ist ein Fluss.

I just watched the new film "Star Trek Beyond". I expected the worst. And I was still disappointed. It is amazing. It is like they actively tried to make this film bad in as many ways as possible. The film feels like a B-Movie with too much budget for CGI.

I will black out spoilers in this review.

Ok, honestly, I am a Trekkie, and it is hard to really satisfy me. But this film is really beyond my worst expectations (pun intended). This film is not only bad by Star Trek standards. If you really want to watch it … I'd recommend waiting until it is shown on TV. It's not worth the money.

I really have to force myself to say anything good about it. But well, let's start with the few good things, just to be fair: They did introduce the universal translator, which was – conformant to the story – only a prototype at that time. Furthermore, I think Zachary Quinto does a very good job playing Spock, and Karl Urban does a very good job playing McCoy. Both show that they are very good actors. The Xindi are mentioned, and there are some subtle references to the original series. And a foto of the old crew is shown. And apparently they spent a lot of money on special effects, which are mindless for the largest part, but beautiful.

The story of the film is trash. I mean seriously … a story that bases on a life drinker?

There is no real motivation behind the "bad guy's" intentions. I have read that this film was all about questioning the goals of star fleet, and that he should have valid points. I don't see any valid point except when you count his Hitler-style position on war. He just wants to kill. But then again, why does he use this inefficient kind of weapon. His "bee armada" seems pretty strong, and there are other gases that he could put into the vent of this (unrealistic) city.

He is not interesting by any means. The acting is miserable. And except for the major "plot twist" that he is a human there is nothing surprising about him. Btw, he said that most of his crew died. How did he come to get his "bee army" and all the pilots in it? Why is he a human and still talking in that alien language by default?

Nothing is logical or consistent or interesting about the main storyline. When the alien that lured them into the nebula said that Krall wants to "save you from yourselves", I hoped that this might be a story about the temporal cold war, because there was some artifact that could be used as a weapon. There would be so many possibilities of consistent stories that would somehow satisfy me as a Trekkie and not require major changes to the rest of the film.

On the other hand, even if you are willing to accept the mindless story with all its inconsistencies, they did not make anything out of it. The bad guy has no personality. The fight scenes are boring. The dialogues are predictable.

The side stories of the movie are not really developed either. The struggles Kirk has in the beginning are completely irrelevant for the rest of the movie. Spock's struggle is shown a few times, but I account that to Zachary Quinto being such an excellent actor.

And what the fuck were they thinking when they decided that some metal music sent to the bee army would make them instantly explode? Was this intended as a reference to Mars Attacks?

So I guess, that is what they meant when calling the film "Star Trek Beyond": We are beyond Star Trek. We have to face the fact that we must live without it now.

My recommentation to paramount: Maybe ask Terry Gilliam or at least Uwe Boll to direct the next Star Trek film.